Warning: This article discusses mental health issues - it may be distressing for some readers.
More FM Breakfast Club host Simon Barnett has revealed moving back to More FM was the first decision in "trying to save myself" following the traumatic loss of his wife, Jodi, 18 months ago.
Jodi died after a brave battle with an aggressive and complicated brain tumour, leaving Barnett devastated and struggling to cope.
He says he could no longer deal with the rigours of talkback at Newstalk ZB while also coping with his loss, so he returned home to More FM a few weeks ago - a move he describes as "coming home to family".
But Barnett told Duncan Garner on the ‘Editor in Chief’ podcast that he went to some dark places, and the loss of the love of his life left him begging and crying to God. "You could stop this, and you didn't."
But he quickly snapped out of it. With four daughters and grandkids who always manage to make him smile, all his sadness gets overwhelmed by the joy of seeing his grandson, who calls him ‘Chief’.
Barnett has also shared how he's felt lonely for the first time in his life, admitting that some days, he “can't stop crying”.
In an at-times raw, open and emotional interview Barnett says: “I am really hopeless at being alone, some days I feel really lonely.”
“I don't know what the future will bring because I do feel lonely... For Jodi, it's not about having someone else in my bed... I can't imagine ever kissing another woman."
Barnett also revealed that Jodi never missed calling him every day for 35 years as he drove to work at 4am.
He admits he now hits the gym, listens to sad songs, and sobs his heart out. He says he misses the simple things, like going to the movies or having dinner out with a glass of wine.
While he yearns for those ordinary moments to return, he understands that they won’t.
He says the More FM listeners and crew have given him so much strength, and he's smiling a little more these days, though he still has his tough moments.
To listen to the full interview, catch Simon and Duncan on the ‘Editor in Chief Podcast’ on Rova
Are you or is someone you know struggling? Here are some resources available to support you, and remember, it's okay to talk.
Free call or text 1737 for support from a trained counsellor
Lifeline 0800 543 354 or free text 4357 (HELP)
Youthline 0800 376 633 or free text 234
Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 828 865 - (0508 TAUTOKO)
Healthline 0800 611 116
Depression Helpline 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions)
www.depression.org.nz includes The Journal online help service
