If there’s one thing the human body wasn’t designed for, it’s storing household objects like, say, a TV remote… But that hasn’t stopped people from trying.
The Morning Rumble recently spoke to Adam Kay - a former NHS doctor and best-selling author - where he shared some shocking stories involving a kinder surprise chocolate egg, Christmas lights, and a TV remote, in places they probably shouldn’t have been.
The first wild yarn occurred when a woman thought it was a great idea to propose to her boyfriend by inserting an engagement ring into a kinder surprise egg, and then go one step further by inserting the chocolate egg vaginally… Surely nothing could go wrong here, right?
The woman invited her boyfriend to retrieve the egg, but it shriveled itself around and got stuck, and old mate couldn’t get it out.
“I removed it with some forceps fairly easily, and I was about to throw the thing in the bin when she said, ‘No, no, no, don’t throw it away,’” Kay said.
“So I passed the poor boyfriend a pair of gloves, sandblasting the last remnants of romance from the scenario.
“He opened it, the ring came out, she said, ‘Will you marry me?’ And he said yes… presumably out of fear.”
Helluva engagement story.
The next wild yarn occurred around Christmas time.
“The one that sticks in my mind was a set of Christmas lights - a string of lights - which the patient had turned on, causing some internal burns,” says Kay.
“Which brings new meaning to the phrase, ‘I put the Christmas lights up myself,’ I guess.”
Holy hecka.
Kay prefaced the third and final tale with a warning: “If you do put something up - and don’t, by the way - but if you do, don’t lie.”
He went on to explain, “There was one patient in my entire career where they were telling me their made-up story, and I was like, actually, I think this might be the first time someone’s told me the truth.
“It was related to a remote control, and the story was fairly believable. So I believed him and retrieved it fairly easily.
“And then afterwards, I spotted that the remote control had a condom on it... So maybe it wasn’t entirely accidental.”
So, if there’s one lesson to take away from Adam Kay’s time in the NHS, it’s this: If it doesn’t belong inside you, you probably shouldn’t put it there. And if you do, at least have a decent excuse ready.
If you enjoyed these yarns, Kay has a whole book This Is Going to Hurt, where he’s penned a bunch of wild experiences he had during his time in the NHS.
Plus, he’s headed to New Zealand on his This Is Going To Hurt - Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor tour.
Anyone else clenching up right now?
