I was so nervous to become a Mum. I always knew that I wanted to have a family with Guy, but when I got pregnant and the huge, big joy died down, I started having secret doubts whether I would be any good at it. What if I was too selfish? What if I didn't connect with them? What if I missed my old life and there was no going back? I've worked so hard for years on my career - how would having a baby affect my job?
Thankfully, the doubts were quickly forgotten after Daisy was first placed on my chest and our bond only grew stronger with her first finger hold, first smile, first laugh.
I knew I was only going to take a relatively short time off for maternity leave, and that I needed to make the most of it... Still I struggled to switch off and walk away from The Edge team who I love so much. It isn't lost on me how lucky I am to have a job that you miss when you are away, and I really did miss it! The people, hearing about your lives and the stories you share, having those stories make me laugh until I cried, the fun of it all.
But I've had a hell of a lot of fun these past 4 months too - just in a different way. Laughing at nappy explosions instead of tinder stories, singing along to The Wiggles instead of Dua Lipa, dancing with a baby in my arms instead of cradling a block of cheese (in my defence, this has only happened once. Maybe twice).
And now the last week of my maternity leave has arrived. I'll never be able to put into words how different a person I am since my last day at work. It's time for me to show Daisy that Mum can do both; Have the job she loves, and be the great Mum I want to be.
It's Dad's turn to have what I have experienced, and have a couple of months paternity leave. He is going to be amazing. Still, I've been mentally preparing myself for months, every single day reminding myself of the positives of my situation, and not taking more time off with my baby. I'm unsure if I'm prepared for how much my heart will ache with missing her until I walk out that door at 4.40am on Monday morning, knowing it will also be her first morning of her life not being woken up by Mum (yikes, the tears are falling now!).
What a ride it is to be a Mum and a working parent. I'm terrified and excited and relieved and sad and nervous and happy and ridden with guilt all at the same time - but I hear we all go through it. So here we go, transitioning into the next scary stage of my life. It's going to be busy, exhausting, and fulfilling, and I will be channelling all the working parents who have paved the road ahead.
Thanks for being my inspiration, see you all Monday x
