A group of UK archaeologists have found a 2000-year-old Roman dildo and it's a doozy.
Even though sex toys these days are battery-operated and frighteningly lifelike, they are nothing new - after all, our ol' ancestors had their needs too, right?!
According to Vice, the researchers stumbled upon the wooden sculpture measuring 6.5 inches in length at Vindolanda, a Roman fort south of Hadrian's Wall in northern England.
Jeez, that takes "wood" to a whole new level.
The ash-carved item may not have all the high-tech features seen in modern sex toys, but they've gotta have known what they were doing. I mean, they carefully built it to have a long, smooth shaft with a very obvious tip.
Author of the study, Dr Rob Collins, told the Daily Mail: "If the object is a sex toy, we believe it could be the oldest example from Britain."
He continued: "If that is the case it would be, to our knowledge, the first Roman dildo that's been encountered in archaeology. We know from Greek and Roman poetry and Green and Roman art that they used dildos. But we haven't had any archaeological examples found, which is intriguing in itself."
"The size of the phallus and the fact that it was carved from wood raises a number of questions about its use," Dr Collins added.
Others suggest it was used as an oddly accurate d***-shaped pestle used to grind food, or it could have been a statue people would stroke for good luck - I know what theory I'm going with until it's confirmed!
