This is one loosest benders we've ever heard of
One 35-year-old mad dog from the UK will spend a few weeks in prison after "performing a sex act" in public after snorting five lines of cocaine down at the local pub.
The sex act in question was a marathon-like, 40-minute wank in the pub's outdoor beer garden, reportedly in open sight sight of a footpath. Police were eventually alerted of this coked-up wanker and he was arrested on site. It's not known if he had finished his... garden time.
"He was in the beer garden of Clitheroe Kate's on Mincing Lane and people were constantly walking past," the prosecution said.
His lawyer then responded: "He has been working as a fork lift truck driver for the last two years and lives with his partner who sits at the back of court.
That has to be one of the understatements of the year.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this bloke has done this sort of stuff before and previously served 32 weeks inside for indecency.
Imagine the conversation explaining what he's in for to another inmate. "I was just having a wank..."
Drugs, eh?
