I'll admit it, I've gone on rants about ex-boyfriends at brunches with the girlies.
I've even accidentally sent a text message to the person I was talking shit about. But so far, I've managed to restrain myself from airing my dirty laundry on social media in one of those 12-party storytime series about a bad boyfriend.
The same can't be said for heaps of famous TikTokers, however. Over the last couple of months, I've been obsessed with watching influencers tear their exes a new one over cheating allegations.
Podcaster Brooke Schofield recently posted a 14-part TikTok series detailing her relationship with singer Clinton Kane, including allegations of cheating and toxic behaviour. She even claims he lied about his family being dead. Yup, it's extremely wild - highly recommend wasting a good chunk of your workday watching them all.
Clinton has hit back with allegations of his own, nit-picking timelines and details of her story including sharing text messages that she had sent him during this time.
Another TikToker, Madeline Argy, exposed her ex, rapper Central Cee, for cheating on her with Ice Spice while they were collaborating on their newest single 'Did It First' (spoiler alert: the song is about cheating).
Both Brooke and Madeline have millions of followers on TikTok and have based their brands around sharing personal stories about their lives. It is completely understandable - and even maybe inspiring - for someone to share a vulnerable story, and toxic relationships are no joke.
But what happens if you want to be just like Madeline or Brooke and air your grievances online, but you don't have access to the legal resources that famous influencers do?
That's where I'm here to help. I started wondering about normal Kiwis like you and me attempting this kind of trend, and if this could put us at risk of getting ourselves into hot water.
Chris Patterson, a barrister based in Auckland, told me sharing stories about your cheating ex-boyfriend on the Internet could actually have some serious real world consequences, beyond you becoming the subject of every group chat for weeks. .
Here's the rundown of what you can or can't do if you're tempted to do a STORYTIME!!??! style exposé:
Right, first things first - can you get done for defamation if you decide to spill the dirty details on your ex on social media? "The classic definition of a 'defamatory statement' is one that lowers the opinion held by ordinary people about someone. Therefore, if you were to publish your ex's name and include photographs and text messages that exposed them for being a cheater, liar and/or manipulator, that is likely going to make ordinary people think less of them.
In New Zealand, our defamation laws protect reputations as opposed to justifiable reputations. What I mean by this is that you could be someone who cheats, lies and manipulates, but if you have a good reputation the law will protect that, even though that good reputation is not justified."
Ok, so say you expose someone WITHOUT naming them, but people end up figuring out who you're talking about anyway - can you still find yourself in legal trouble? "The answer is yes and this often arises when the defamatory statement is created through innuendo. For example, if you say something defamatory and state that it relates to "a recent former Prime Minister who is now teaching in the US" the innuendo is that the statement relates to Jacinda Ardern."
So in the case of Brooke Schofield, she 'exposed' her ex for cheating, and he's now hit back with his own claims - what's your legal opinion of this approach to hashing out drama? "In recent years the law has recognised a concept of a "counterpunch". In some circumstances you are entitled to defend your reputation by going on the counteroffensive. It is a risky strategy, but can in some circumstances be regarded as justifiable and therefore lawful."
Okay so you've heard all this but you still REALLY need to tell TikTok your boyfriend made out with your best friend. What are your tips? "Say absolutely nothing. The safest course is not to say anything about anyone."
Well, damn. There goes my dreams of TikTok stardom - thankfully, there are hundreds of influencers who will completely ignore this advice meaning I can still get my messy break up tea and stay out of jail!
